My normal is KNOWING my house is going to be a mess everyday.
but THINKING I might get it clean today....
My normal is ALWAYS having a child in trouble for something.
but NEVER missing the "i forgive you hug" afterwards...
My normal is WISHING for two minutes by myself in the day.
but HOPING for one of the kids to ask to cuddle with me....
My normal is WANTING my kids to have everything they ever want.
but GIVING them everything they need...
My normal is HAVING the most amazing life I could have possibly imagined.
but TAKING every day as a precious gift....
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As you can see i've been dwelling on what "normal" really means. It's a word i've begun to dread. People use it as a way to describe how "everyone" should be. Like saying everyone should wear the same size jeans.....uhm no. So sometimes it gets exchanged with the word "average" which instead implies none of us are striving for higher....we're just a "C" grade in a math class......uhm no there also. So i figured to me normal means the things you are used to in your life, that feel like 'normal' things to YOU. I wanted to sit down and write what my normal was, because just as a Testimony grows each time you share it, so to does your appreciate for the 'normal' and mundane in your own life. At least i think so. So normal to me may be chaos to someone else, but it's my chaos and i LOVE it. I have an AMAZING husband who supports the normality of chaos in our household and treats me like i'm handling it so wonderfully when i know i'm really not. I just wanted to take a minute to appreciate the normal in my life.....what's the normal in yours?
Our little family
Wife Woman, Husband Man, Catcher and The Hoskinettes.
Friday, November 05, 2010
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
To Love
To Love
To Love is to hold a child for the first time
to love is to hold a hand for the last time
to love is to laugh out loud at nothing
to love is to sit in a thunderous silence
to love is to carry you anywhere you need to go
to love is to wait for your eventual return
to love is to have a thousand words to say
to love is to say it all with a kiss
to love is to be so full of emotion it leaks out in tears
to love is to have cried so much you can't cry any more....and then you do.
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I guess i'm feeling poetic tonight. I haven't written a poem in so many years i apologize to anyone who reads this and goes......uhm yeah.
I'm thinking about what it means to love a child, I'm struggling to understand other people. To me each one of my children is a precious gift from God, each having arrived in such a unique way, with a story to tell from the moment i learned of their existence.
Darla has been with us for almost a month now and I told myself that this time adoption would be different. That i wouldn't hold back anything from the moment she arrived. With Maggie, Adam and I were in such unfamiliar territory (pertaining to foster adoption) that we didn't know how to feel right away. It's scary to love someone who could be ripped away at a moments notice if the family decided they wanted her back. So we cared for her and loved her as best we could without loving her fully and completely right away. Well for me that only lasted a few weeks before i had to let go and just love her cause she was so dang cute and tiny, but still a part of me wanted to keep her at arm's distance to protect myself from the hurt that could happen if she were given back to her birth family. You see part of me also hurt for the family, not necessarily the birth parents who were living in their own mistakes and couldn't see their way out of them even for a helpless child, but for the extended family who at any moment could decide they wanted this tiny baby. Obviously you know the outcome is that no one ever stepped forward, Maggie was adopted by us in a process that took almost two years (long story) and in the end i hated myself for not just loving her 100% from day one. But that was then.....this is now. Now Darla is in our family, Darla is my 5th child, my precious tiny wonder. She has such bright eyes and a sweet spirit. I loved her the moment i held her.....for that matter i loved her the moment we decided to say "yes." I have told myself that no matter what happens....it is never wrong to love a child. Even if that means loving them in someone else's arms.
A social worker called yesterday to set up a visit for Darla with her grandmother....which makes this person also Maggie's grandmother (by birth.) I find myself wondering why she never visited Maggie when she was born.....but at the same time feeling glad that it shows a sign that someone in the family cares. I'm torn in so many different directions. If I were that grandmother I would want to see her, but then i also would have wanted to see Maggie too, and all of the other 6 children besides these two (yes can you believe that?) I find myself stressing internally, wondering if this means she wants to petition for custody. I suppose it's a possibility. And if i allow myself to consider the chance that she could get custody of her I would have to say that it still wasn't wrong to love her this much from the first moment, it has fostered a strong and healthy child who will grow and blossom from such a wonderful start. But a piece of my heart breaks at the thought of my child being gone.....I can't imagine, and I'm going to stop imagining because it's hard to type when you're crying.
Now to clarify, I have discussed with the social worker the whole scenario....what if this grandmother wants to petition for custody? She says that ultimately it is up to the social workers to decide what the best permanent placement for the child is and that they would side (most likely) with US, because we would adopt her and we are young and she has a full sibling here. But there's a part of my brain that wants to play this out in every way possibly, which often ends in a worst case scenario.
The visit is tomorrow and although i find myself in emotional unrest over the possible implications, I also want to do everything I can to help the family know that I am not the enemy because we have their children in our family. That we are a loving family who wants only the best for these children (and all of our children.) I'm going to write them a letter, mostly it will tell about how well Darla and Maggie are doing, and how much they're loved. I still have no idea exactly how i'll word it or what I'll say, but i needed this moment to put together all my thoughts and to get some emotion out before i write it. I only hope that I can be strong enough to handle whatever God's plan for Darla is.....she's a part of us now and we can't imagine life without her.....hopefully we'll never have to.
To Love is to hold a child for the first time
to love is to hold a hand for the last time
to love is to laugh out loud at nothing
to love is to sit in a thunderous silence
to love is to carry you anywhere you need to go
to love is to wait for your eventual return
to love is to have a thousand words to say
to love is to say it all with a kiss
to love is to be so full of emotion it leaks out in tears
to love is to have cried so much you can't cry any more....and then you do.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I guess i'm feeling poetic tonight. I haven't written a poem in so many years i apologize to anyone who reads this and goes......uhm yeah.
I'm thinking about what it means to love a child, I'm struggling to understand other people. To me each one of my children is a precious gift from God, each having arrived in such a unique way, with a story to tell from the moment i learned of their existence.
Darla has been with us for almost a month now and I told myself that this time adoption would be different. That i wouldn't hold back anything from the moment she arrived. With Maggie, Adam and I were in such unfamiliar territory (pertaining to foster adoption) that we didn't know how to feel right away. It's scary to love someone who could be ripped away at a moments notice if the family decided they wanted her back. So we cared for her and loved her as best we could without loving her fully and completely right away. Well for me that only lasted a few weeks before i had to let go and just love her cause she was so dang cute and tiny, but still a part of me wanted to keep her at arm's distance to protect myself from the hurt that could happen if she were given back to her birth family. You see part of me also hurt for the family, not necessarily the birth parents who were living in their own mistakes and couldn't see their way out of them even for a helpless child, but for the extended family who at any moment could decide they wanted this tiny baby. Obviously you know the outcome is that no one ever stepped forward, Maggie was adopted by us in a process that took almost two years (long story) and in the end i hated myself for not just loving her 100% from day one. But that was then.....this is now. Now Darla is in our family, Darla is my 5th child, my precious tiny wonder. She has such bright eyes and a sweet spirit. I loved her the moment i held her.....for that matter i loved her the moment we decided to say "yes." I have told myself that no matter what happens....it is never wrong to love a child. Even if that means loving them in someone else's arms.
A social worker called yesterday to set up a visit for Darla with her grandmother....which makes this person also Maggie's grandmother (by birth.) I find myself wondering why she never visited Maggie when she was born.....but at the same time feeling glad that it shows a sign that someone in the family cares. I'm torn in so many different directions. If I were that grandmother I would want to see her, but then i also would have wanted to see Maggie too, and all of the other 6 children besides these two (yes can you believe that?) I find myself stressing internally, wondering if this means she wants to petition for custody. I suppose it's a possibility. And if i allow myself to consider the chance that she could get custody of her I would have to say that it still wasn't wrong to love her this much from the first moment, it has fostered a strong and healthy child who will grow and blossom from such a wonderful start. But a piece of my heart breaks at the thought of my child being gone.....I can't imagine, and I'm going to stop imagining because it's hard to type when you're crying.
Now to clarify, I have discussed with the social worker the whole scenario....what if this grandmother wants to petition for custody? She says that ultimately it is up to the social workers to decide what the best permanent placement for the child is and that they would side (most likely) with US, because we would adopt her and we are young and she has a full sibling here. But there's a part of my brain that wants to play this out in every way possibly, which often ends in a worst case scenario.
The visit is tomorrow and although i find myself in emotional unrest over the possible implications, I also want to do everything I can to help the family know that I am not the enemy because we have their children in our family. That we are a loving family who wants only the best for these children (and all of our children.) I'm going to write them a letter, mostly it will tell about how well Darla and Maggie are doing, and how much they're loved. I still have no idea exactly how i'll word it or what I'll say, but i needed this moment to put together all my thoughts and to get some emotion out before i write it. I only hope that I can be strong enough to handle whatever God's plan for Darla is.....she's a part of us now and we can't imagine life without her.....hopefully we'll never have to.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
blue sky thru the clouds
Yesterday was pretty much the most insane i think it's been around here since adding baby number 5.....f....i...v....e....5!! Sometimes it's still weird to say that i need more practice hehe.
At several points during the day there were multiple kids crying for multiple reasons. Both babies were wanting to be held most of the day (which holding both is quite a chore let me tell you!) and Katie was just plain cranky and could have used a nap but of course didn't get one. Maggie was just t r o u b l e all day long, if my back was turned she was getting into some kind of mischeif. I keep telling myself that maybe when she's older that will translate well into a "healthy" curiousity for learning.....wishful thinking maybe but i can hope. I found myself looking at her wishing she were five years older just to get her out of this phase, and looking at Katie wishing she were only a few years older to be past this cranky all afternoon phase she's got going on. And Elaine....well Elaine is always a peacemaker but yesterday she kept getting beat up on by Katie so she had to cry about that ever five minutes. I found myself looking forward to just bedtime at that point. That was a much more reasonable time to look forward to than years down the road. And normally if i can just stretch my patience and calm until bedtime i'll get several hours by myself before the babies wake up to eat and then after they do i can actually sleep.......Usually anyway.
So once it was dinner time i felt like i was homefree.....after dinner we'd do a nice lazy bedtime routine and scoot them off to bed. But of course it couldn't go that easy could it? I put dinner on the table (so thankful for the crockpot who did all the work) and Katie took one look at it and decided she didn't like it. Without even a bite. I told her she had to at least taste it (sometimes that actually leads to eating it all) two bites was my only requirement then if she wanted to be hungry that is her choice and no candy afterwards if she didn't eat. Usually that is enough to scare any of the kids into eating at least two bites. But not my stubborn Katie Kat. I told her it was two bites or bed.....those were the only options. (it was 6pm anyway so only an hour before bedtime anyway) so she promptly got down from the table and went to put on pj's to go to bed. Was she really deciding to go to bed over 2 measly bites? Well i'd made the threat so i had to go thru with it. Maggie has pushed this argument several times and has learned to at least take two bites for fear of the early bed time. But Katie apparently needed an object lesson. So i offered her several times the option of going back to take those two bites instead of putting on pj's.....nope. 2 bites instead of brushing teeth......nope. Well brushing teeth was the point of no return.....time for bed. She screamed in bed all the way thru the rest of us eating dinner.......she screamed in bed all the way thru singing and story time......and thru the older girls brushing teeth and didn't stop until finally everyone was in bed. I figured she must be tired so at least she'll sleep well. ......and then finally after the babies went down i had a moment of freedom. But it was only a moment......
I think that some mean spirits who are hanging around for halloween possessed my children last night. Because bedtime was only the beginning. EVERY child was up several times last night ......both older girls came in at seperate times complaining of bad dreams. Katie woke up at 2am and was so sure it was morning she went to the table and demanded breakfast. Then after being put back to bed (after a stop at the potty) she screamed for ten minutes about needing to flush the potty (apparently a step she missed) Her screaming woke up Catcher who was inconsolable for hours after that. Darla woke up 3 times to eat last night when normally she wakes up once. It was just the night that wouldn't end. I felt like it was a continuation of the day that wouldn't end yesterday. So now you're probably as tired from reading all of this as i was from living it.....just when i thought today was going to be a continuation of yesterday....there was a break in the clouds hanging over the house. An angel showed up at the door. Cassandra Briscoe from our ward at church. I answered the door and all she said was "I'm here to watch your kids.....go to bed." I could have cried. I finished up what i was doing with dishes while she picked up Maggie at Kindergarten and then i really actually went to bed. It was the most relaxing sleep i've had in quite some time. No baby sleeping in my room, no monitor on to listen for Catcher, and i had music on to drown out the noise of children in the living room with Cassandra. And i slept......sheesh i could have slept all day! But just a nap was the most amazing battery recharge i could have had. So even though this blog sounds like me whining and complaing about the craziness in our lives.....it's also about the blessed angels who come in to lift us up even if only for a 2 hour nap.
After my nap i have a whole new perspective on my kids right now, no more looking at tomorrow, or next year or five years. Just about right now.
Right Now
Katie is singing to Catcher
Right Now
Catcher is smiling and giggling.
Right Now
Maggie (who is supposed to be in the corner) is pretending to be a chicken and cluck, while still keeping her nose in the corner (it is quite hillarious)
Right Now
Elaine is clapping for Katie's song and helping her make up a dance for it.
Right Now
Darla is cuddled up in bed watching her favorite thing.....the ceiling fan spinning.
Right Now
My children are entertained enough for me to have the 20 minutes it's taken me to post this.
Right Now
I get to be a mom to FIVE amazing children
Right Now
I get to be married to the most wonderful Husband Man on the planet
Right Now
I get to be loved by the most wonderful Husband Man on the planet
Right Now
I get to wear fuzzy pink slippers
Right Now
All is perfect.
What is going on in your life Right Now??
At several points during the day there were multiple kids crying for multiple reasons. Both babies were wanting to be held most of the day (which holding both is quite a chore let me tell you!) and Katie was just plain cranky and could have used a nap but of course didn't get one. Maggie was just t r o u b l e all day long, if my back was turned she was getting into some kind of mischeif. I keep telling myself that maybe when she's older that will translate well into a "healthy" curiousity for learning.....wishful thinking maybe but i can hope. I found myself looking at her wishing she were five years older just to get her out of this phase, and looking at Katie wishing she were only a few years older to be past this cranky all afternoon phase she's got going on. And Elaine....well Elaine is always a peacemaker but yesterday she kept getting beat up on by Katie so she had to cry about that ever five minutes. I found myself looking forward to just bedtime at that point. That was a much more reasonable time to look forward to than years down the road. And normally if i can just stretch my patience and calm until bedtime i'll get several hours by myself before the babies wake up to eat and then after they do i can actually sleep.......Usually anyway.
So once it was dinner time i felt like i was homefree.....after dinner we'd do a nice lazy bedtime routine and scoot them off to bed. But of course it couldn't go that easy could it? I put dinner on the table (so thankful for the crockpot who did all the work) and Katie took one look at it and decided she didn't like it. Without even a bite. I told her she had to at least taste it (sometimes that actually leads to eating it all) two bites was my only requirement then if she wanted to be hungry that is her choice and no candy afterwards if she didn't eat. Usually that is enough to scare any of the kids into eating at least two bites. But not my stubborn Katie Kat. I told her it was two bites or bed.....those were the only options. (it was 6pm anyway so only an hour before bedtime anyway) so she promptly got down from the table and went to put on pj's to go to bed. Was she really deciding to go to bed over 2 measly bites? Well i'd made the threat so i had to go thru with it. Maggie has pushed this argument several times and has learned to at least take two bites for fear of the early bed time. But Katie apparently needed an object lesson. So i offered her several times the option of going back to take those two bites instead of putting on pj's.....nope. 2 bites instead of brushing teeth......nope. Well brushing teeth was the point of no return.....time for bed. She screamed in bed all the way thru the rest of us eating dinner.......she screamed in bed all the way thru singing and story time......and thru the older girls brushing teeth and didn't stop until finally everyone was in bed. I figured she must be tired so at least she'll sleep well. ......and then finally after the babies went down i had a moment of freedom. But it was only a moment......
I think that some mean spirits who are hanging around for halloween possessed my children last night. Because bedtime was only the beginning. EVERY child was up several times last night ......both older girls came in at seperate times complaining of bad dreams. Katie woke up at 2am and was so sure it was morning she went to the table and demanded breakfast. Then after being put back to bed (after a stop at the potty) she screamed for ten minutes about needing to flush the potty (apparently a step she missed) Her screaming woke up Catcher who was inconsolable for hours after that. Darla woke up 3 times to eat last night when normally she wakes up once. It was just the night that wouldn't end. I felt like it was a continuation of the day that wouldn't end yesterday. So now you're probably as tired from reading all of this as i was from living it.....just when i thought today was going to be a continuation of yesterday....there was a break in the clouds hanging over the house. An angel showed up at the door. Cassandra Briscoe from our ward at church. I answered the door and all she said was "I'm here to watch your kids.....go to bed." I could have cried. I finished up what i was doing with dishes while she picked up Maggie at Kindergarten and then i really actually went to bed. It was the most relaxing sleep i've had in quite some time. No baby sleeping in my room, no monitor on to listen for Catcher, and i had music on to drown out the noise of children in the living room with Cassandra. And i slept......sheesh i could have slept all day! But just a nap was the most amazing battery recharge i could have had. So even though this blog sounds like me whining and complaing about the craziness in our lives.....it's also about the blessed angels who come in to lift us up even if only for a 2 hour nap.
After my nap i have a whole new perspective on my kids right now, no more looking at tomorrow, or next year or five years. Just about right now.
Right Now
Katie is singing to Catcher
Right Now
Catcher is smiling and giggling.
Right Now
Maggie (who is supposed to be in the corner) is pretending to be a chicken and cluck, while still keeping her nose in the corner (it is quite hillarious)
Right Now
Elaine is clapping for Katie's song and helping her make up a dance for it.
Right Now
Darla is cuddled up in bed watching her favorite thing.....the ceiling fan spinning.
Right Now
My children are entertained enough for me to have the 20 minutes it's taken me to post this.
Right Now
I get to be a mom to FIVE amazing children
Right Now
I get to be married to the most wonderful Husband Man on the planet
Right Now
I get to be loved by the most wonderful Husband Man on the planet
Right Now
I get to wear fuzzy pink slippers
Right Now
All is perfect.
What is going on in your life Right Now??
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Catcher caught a cold
Elaine had a cold a few weeks ago and it was inevitable that the whole family would catch it. Of course all of the children have it first and worst. Adam and I will probably get it in another week but so far have not suffered it's yucky side effects! Catcher seems to have it the worst which is unexpected given Darla's prematurity i thought for sure she would have it worse. Catcher's lungs have always been his weak point and the cold went straight for them. He's been wheezing today and a little more cranky so we decided to give him a breathing treatment which we kind of dreaded because when Katie used to get them she's scream the whole time (at least it opened up her airways!)
Catcher had been crying and generally cranky for hours before we broke out the machine. We figured he couldn't get much crankier than he already was. Somehow though, once we put it on him he calmed right down and sat perfectly still for the whole treatment! He loved it! he kept trying to suck in the mist with his tongue. He was cooing and talking with the mask on it was the cutest thing so we had to get a picture. He is such a little sweetheart....if we'd known this was going to calm him down we would have tried it hours ago LOL
Catcher had been crying and generally cranky for hours before we broke out the machine. We figured he couldn't get much crankier than he already was. Somehow though, once we put it on him he calmed right down and sat perfectly still for the whole treatment! He loved it! he kept trying to suck in the mist with his tongue. He was cooing and talking with the mask on it was the cutest thing so we had to get a picture. He is such a little sweetheart....if we'd known this was going to calm him down we would have tried it hours ago LOL
The blessing of Answered Prayers!
It has seemed that from the moment we decided to take a leap of faith and say yes to taking baby Darla into our family....that we have been blessed in so many ways! The same week she was placed with us we found a perfect house and went into escrow that same week also. That was something we had been praying about for quite sometime and we tried to just have faith that the right house would come along...eventually. Each time we thought we'd found a good deal or a good house things would just fall out of synch and not work out. We held strong on the hope and faith in His plan for our family. And when Darla was placed with us we realized that the other houses wouldn't have worked out and we ended up being glad not to have gotten them. And now we were able to focus in on what was really important and find the RIGHT house for our family! From early on in our house hunting I kept praying and hoping that we could find a house that was not for sale by a bank. It just felt like that would be the best thing, that we could buy from a person who cared about us and our story and why their house meant so much and as such would WANT to sell it to us. And that is exactly what we found! The woman we are buying from is so wonderful and kind and we are so excited to be dealing with her....such a blessing!
Here we are only days away from closing escrow already.....DAYS! It's scary how fast it is upon us, and closing costs are coming along with it. We have been trying to sell our motorcycle for a while now without luck. We posted it on craigslist again but this time rediculously cheap in an effort just to give ourselves a cushion after closing costs. I posted the ad several days ago and still no response. Well yesterday I prayed very straight forward, about Adam's concern for the money cushion and that selling the motorcycle would really help that. Out of the blue last night we got a call about the bike and then this morning another call and an email....even though the ad has been on for several days it wasn't responded too until after my prayer. Some people may see a happy coincidence....i see a little more. God's hand has been apparent in our lives so much and we are so grateful for all of the blessings poured out upon us. It is amazing to see our prayers answered!
We were scared at first to take on another child with our youngest still being so young, but it continued to feel like the right thing to do. Not to mention the fact that i had always strangely felt that we should have five kids and had mentioned more than once that maybe later on down the road we should adopt our fifth child (of course i meant more like 5 or more years down the road...but hey who's counting :) I just can't help but express to anyone who will listen that I know there is a God, that I know he answers prayers. That with a little faith exercised miracles can happen! Darla has been a blessing in our lives in so many ways we could never have imagined. I was praying for a peace and calmness to be able to handle five kids and while there is still stress it's like i've gained a whole new strength to handle it that i didn't know could exist. I feel like this has opened communication between our family and heaven in whole new ways. I'm thankful for the stress and burdens in my life that have brought me to a new place of faith.....Thank you, Lord.
Here we are only days away from closing escrow already.....DAYS! It's scary how fast it is upon us, and closing costs are coming along with it. We have been trying to sell our motorcycle for a while now without luck. We posted it on craigslist again but this time rediculously cheap in an effort just to give ourselves a cushion after closing costs. I posted the ad several days ago and still no response. Well yesterday I prayed very straight forward, about Adam's concern for the money cushion and that selling the motorcycle would really help that. Out of the blue last night we got a call about the bike and then this morning another call and an email....even though the ad has been on for several days it wasn't responded too until after my prayer. Some people may see a happy coincidence....i see a little more. God's hand has been apparent in our lives so much and we are so grateful for all of the blessings poured out upon us. It is amazing to see our prayers answered!
We were scared at first to take on another child with our youngest still being so young, but it continued to feel like the right thing to do. Not to mention the fact that i had always strangely felt that we should have five kids and had mentioned more than once that maybe later on down the road we should adopt our fifth child (of course i meant more like 5 or more years down the road...but hey who's counting :) I just can't help but express to anyone who will listen that I know there is a God, that I know he answers prayers. That with a little faith exercised miracles can happen! Darla has been a blessing in our lives in so many ways we could never have imagined. I was praying for a peace and calmness to be able to handle five kids and while there is still stress it's like i've gained a whole new strength to handle it that i didn't know could exist. I feel like this has opened communication between our family and heaven in whole new ways. I'm thankful for the stress and burdens in my life that have brought me to a new place of faith.....Thank you, Lord.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Darla...to date.
It has been nearly two weeks since Darla came to live with us. I cannot believe how insanely different life has been since we came home from Utah. The same week Darla was placed with us we put in an offer on a house and went into contract. It's a wonderful house and we're excited....nervous like any one who is buying a home, but also excited.
We haven't started packing yet because the wonderful lady we're buying from wanted a rent back period so that she didn't have to move out until AFTER escrow closes, so we don't even need to start packing until escrow closes either....which should be on November 5th....right before Adam's shoulder surgery. That's a whole different story altogether.
Back to the point....Darla!
Her little personality is so sweet already, she has started smiling but only seems to smile at me, which is so special. I cannot believe this little one can smile already...she'll be a month old this week and that is WAY earlier than any of my other babies started smiling. She loves to be cuddled and it instantly calms her everytime just to hold her. But she is not at all like Maggie was as a baby, which was a concern for us. Maggie as a drug baby was VERY clingy and screamed constantly if not held all the time. As a consequence i simply started wearing her in a sling all day and night until she got over that....after about three months. It was a long three months but well worth it because she has grown into a wonderfully intelligent and independant little girl. Darla, though, loves to stretch out and just sleeps wherever however, she is not picky at all. She seems to just enjoy taking everything in, in a lot of ways she is very similar to Catcher and she acts just like he did a few months ago.
Last week Elaine had a cough all week and no matter how hard we tried to isolate the babies from it there was no way around it....both babies are now sick. It appears to be RSV but we are watching it very closely and while Catcher is hacking quite hard and his appetite is decreased it doesn't seem to be hurting him too much. Darla on the other hand with her being so small...we are watching her very close to make sure it doesn't require medical attention. Catcher went thru RSV at a very early age and ended up in the hospital for two weeks....i REALLY don't want Darla to have to go thru that. She is still eating and sleeping pretty well so i'm not too worried...yet.
Last night both babies woke up a few more times than normal and i swear it's like they have a pact to wake up one right after the other. Inevitably when one wakes up and i take care of them and feed them and change them and put them back to sleep...just when i'm laying down to go back to sleep, the other one wakes up. It is getting a little tiresome but i know they'll get past this eventually....won't be this hard forever :)
Darla now weighs just under 7 pounds....she is growing fast already! She is very strong for such a tiny baby and can hold her head up already and grabs things to put in her mouth! She is practically ready for toys already!! Crazy!
Hopefully I'll get some pictures of the house to post on here soon....can't believe we are moving but hopefully this will be a house we will stay in for a VERY long time!
We haven't started packing yet because the wonderful lady we're buying from wanted a rent back period so that she didn't have to move out until AFTER escrow closes, so we don't even need to start packing until escrow closes either....which should be on November 5th....right before Adam's shoulder surgery. That's a whole different story altogether.
Back to the point....Darla!
Her little personality is so sweet already, she has started smiling but only seems to smile at me, which is so special. I cannot believe this little one can smile already...she'll be a month old this week and that is WAY earlier than any of my other babies started smiling. She loves to be cuddled and it instantly calms her everytime just to hold her. But she is not at all like Maggie was as a baby, which was a concern for us. Maggie as a drug baby was VERY clingy and screamed constantly if not held all the time. As a consequence i simply started wearing her in a sling all day and night until she got over that....after about three months. It was a long three months but well worth it because she has grown into a wonderfully intelligent and independant little girl. Darla, though, loves to stretch out and just sleeps wherever however, she is not picky at all. She seems to just enjoy taking everything in, in a lot of ways she is very similar to Catcher and she acts just like he did a few months ago.
Last week Elaine had a cough all week and no matter how hard we tried to isolate the babies from it there was no way around it....both babies are now sick. It appears to be RSV but we are watching it very closely and while Catcher is hacking quite hard and his appetite is decreased it doesn't seem to be hurting him too much. Darla on the other hand with her being so small...we are watching her very close to make sure it doesn't require medical attention. Catcher went thru RSV at a very early age and ended up in the hospital for two weeks....i REALLY don't want Darla to have to go thru that. She is still eating and sleeping pretty well so i'm not too worried...yet.
Last night both babies woke up a few more times than normal and i swear it's like they have a pact to wake up one right after the other. Inevitably when one wakes up and i take care of them and feed them and change them and put them back to sleep...just when i'm laying down to go back to sleep, the other one wakes up. It is getting a little tiresome but i know they'll get past this eventually....won't be this hard forever :)
Darla now weighs just under 7 pounds....she is growing fast already! She is very strong for such a tiny baby and can hold her head up already and grabs things to put in her mouth! She is practically ready for toys already!! Crazy!
Hopefully I'll get some pictures of the house to post on here soon....can't believe we are moving but hopefully this will be a house we will stay in for a VERY long time!
Saturday, October 16, 2010
The call
While in the middle of Nevada on our drive to Utah we recieved possibly the most unexpected call of our lives. Here is basically how the conversation went:
me: "hello."
FFC: "Hi this is Kim from 'Families for Children' is this Vera?"
***instant red flags here, families for children is the agency we used when we adopted Maggie....this is a social worker calling....why is a social worker calling?
me:
"......uh yes it is......"
FFC:
"Well I'm calling to inform you that a full sibling of your adopted daughter Maggie has been born and we were wondering if you were interested in adopting her...."
Me:
....
....
....
FFC: "i know this is a bit surprsing...."
Me:
....
...
....
.......uhm yeah.
FFC:
"Well she is a full sibling of your daughter and that is why we called you first, but she's going to be released from the hospital today or tomorrow so we really need an answer sometime today because if you don't want her then we need time to find another family.....so are you interested in adopting her?"
Me.
.....uhm......can I .....uhm....call you back?
FFC:
"Oh sure yes of course...but we do need to know by 5 oclock today."
Me:
ok well i just you know wanted a few minutes to process this before i give you an answer.....
then at the most inopportune time we loose connection because we're driving thru a dead zone.
I set down the phone and literally was speechless.I looked at my husband who was driving and he looked at me thru the rear view mirror and said "who was on the phone?"
Bearing in mind i was in the back of the car while he was driving in the front....i now had to tell him what i had just heard across the car thru all the children's little ears.
"Give me a minute to uh figure this out before i tell you...."
I was so beyond dumb founded as to how to tell him what this phone call was.
"it was a social worker.....she told me a sibling of a certain child (pointing to Maggie) was born and needs a home and uhm.....do we want her?" I hoped the kids were entertained by the movie enough not to have been paying close enough attention to what i was saying.
Adam shot me a glance thru the rear view mirror that probably looked as confused and bewildered as my own did.
"I'll give you a moment to process that news while i make a few more phone calls...." I told him.
Every time the signal returned on my cell phone i made another call....to this social worker or that one to family and friends to everyone i could think of to simply hear some other opinions and information. I will admit my first thought was just to say yes without even wondering how it would work. But then after thinking about it a few more minutes i began to look at my already large family and wonder where on earth would we put ANOTHER baby.....not to mention we already HAVE a baby! Catcher is barely 7 months old!!!
We did our best to talk from the front of the car to the back but there was no keeping from the kids the conversation we were having.
Eventually i decided to ask the kids their opinions. Maggie first. I told her the situation as i knew it and asked if it would make her happy. She of course said yes with a giant smile...i asked her if it was just the idea of another baby or was it because it would be brown like her? She liked the idea of another brown family member like her....so did i.
Then i turned to Katie who is only 2 and I wasn't sure how well she would understand when i explained to her that if we took this baby it would mean mommy might have even less time for her. She replied "it's ok mommy i can take care of Catcher while you take care of the new baby."
Then i turned to Elaine and before i got a word out she grinned and said "YES! just say yes!" Well it appeared the kids were all for it we just had to decide if we could do it or if we wanted to do this. It made the drive to the next stop feel like forever!
It wasn't dinner time but we found another McD's with a playland to stop at to let the kids run around and give us a chance to talk without them in between. It was 4 already so by the end of this stop it would be time to call and give an official answer. For some reason stopping and getting the kids out made it all feel like a reality...how would this be if there were another little baby? Another girl? I got scared a little bit. I mean I have been stressed nearly beyond belief with the current load of four kids.....could I even handle a fifth? What is the point in saying yes if it causes so much stress on the family it breaks us apart?
While the kids ran around in the play land I prayed...we prayed, we talked we contemplated. But everytime we contemplated saying NO it felt very wrong and like we would regret it for the rest of our lives. Every time we contemplated saying yes it felt so right...so scary...but so right. So we piled back in the car and at 4:55pm I called back and said "yes we're interested in adopting the baby....what's her name anyway?" Her name was Darlene but we had the whole rest of the car ride to come up with our new name for her.....In the end we decided on Darla Deanne. or DD for short. it was an instant hit with the kids. And when we arrived in utah that night we were able to announce that we had said Yes to adopting a fifth child......were we crazy or what?!!
me: "hello."
FFC: "Hi this is Kim from 'Families for Children' is this Vera?"
***instant red flags here, families for children is the agency we used when we adopted Maggie....this is a social worker calling....why is a social worker calling?
me:
"......uh yes it is......"
FFC:
"Well I'm calling to inform you that a full sibling of your adopted daughter Maggie has been born and we were wondering if you were interested in adopting her...."
Me:
....
....
....
FFC: "i know this is a bit surprsing...."
Me:
....
...
....
.......uhm yeah.
FFC:
"Well she is a full sibling of your daughter and that is why we called you first, but she's going to be released from the hospital today or tomorrow so we really need an answer sometime today because if you don't want her then we need time to find another family.....so are you interested in adopting her?"
Me.
.....uhm......can I .....uhm....call you back?
FFC:
"Oh sure yes of course...but we do need to know by 5 oclock today."
Me:
ok well i just you know wanted a few minutes to process this before i give you an answer.....
then at the most inopportune time we loose connection because we're driving thru a dead zone.
I set down the phone and literally was speechless.I looked at my husband who was driving and he looked at me thru the rear view mirror and said "who was on the phone?"
Bearing in mind i was in the back of the car while he was driving in the front....i now had to tell him what i had just heard across the car thru all the children's little ears.
"Give me a minute to uh figure this out before i tell you...."
I was so beyond dumb founded as to how to tell him what this phone call was.
"it was a social worker.....she told me a sibling of a certain child (pointing to Maggie) was born and needs a home and uhm.....do we want her?" I hoped the kids were entertained by the movie enough not to have been paying close enough attention to what i was saying.
Adam shot me a glance thru the rear view mirror that probably looked as confused and bewildered as my own did.
"I'll give you a moment to process that news while i make a few more phone calls...." I told him.
Every time the signal returned on my cell phone i made another call....to this social worker or that one to family and friends to everyone i could think of to simply hear some other opinions and information. I will admit my first thought was just to say yes without even wondering how it would work. But then after thinking about it a few more minutes i began to look at my already large family and wonder where on earth would we put ANOTHER baby.....not to mention we already HAVE a baby! Catcher is barely 7 months old!!!
We did our best to talk from the front of the car to the back but there was no keeping from the kids the conversation we were having.
Eventually i decided to ask the kids their opinions. Maggie first. I told her the situation as i knew it and asked if it would make her happy. She of course said yes with a giant smile...i asked her if it was just the idea of another baby or was it because it would be brown like her? She liked the idea of another brown family member like her....so did i.
Then i turned to Katie who is only 2 and I wasn't sure how well she would understand when i explained to her that if we took this baby it would mean mommy might have even less time for her. She replied "it's ok mommy i can take care of Catcher while you take care of the new baby."
Then i turned to Elaine and before i got a word out she grinned and said "YES! just say yes!" Well it appeared the kids were all for it we just had to decide if we could do it or if we wanted to do this. It made the drive to the next stop feel like forever!
It wasn't dinner time but we found another McD's with a playland to stop at to let the kids run around and give us a chance to talk without them in between. It was 4 already so by the end of this stop it would be time to call and give an official answer. For some reason stopping and getting the kids out made it all feel like a reality...how would this be if there were another little baby? Another girl? I got scared a little bit. I mean I have been stressed nearly beyond belief with the current load of four kids.....could I even handle a fifth? What is the point in saying yes if it causes so much stress on the family it breaks us apart?
While the kids ran around in the play land I prayed...we prayed, we talked we contemplated. But everytime we contemplated saying NO it felt very wrong and like we would regret it for the rest of our lives. Every time we contemplated saying yes it felt so right...so scary...but so right. So we piled back in the car and at 4:55pm I called back and said "yes we're interested in adopting the baby....what's her name anyway?" Her name was Darlene but we had the whole rest of the car ride to come up with our new name for her.....In the end we decided on Darla Deanne. or DD for short. it was an instant hit with the kids. And when we arrived in utah that night we were able to announce that we had said Yes to adopting a fifth child......were we crazy or what?!!
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