....Discovered while unpacking a thousand boxes.....

It's amazing the things you discover while unpacking boxes. Some of these boxes I think may have been packed since our LAST move three years ago because there just wasn't anywhere in the old house to put them. I came across a box that had photos from college and i just happened to find it while my old roommate from college, Kim, was here helping me, so we got to reminisce for a few minutes.....that was fun. In that same box was a journal, one of a million of mine. I almost tossed it aside as one of the many journals of poems and stories i had but when i opened it up and saw the "title page" i had to take a moment to peruse thru it. It was my "wedding journal." after seeing the title page i glanced at the cover again and remembered i had purchased it because the flowers on the front were my wedding colors, spring pastels. On the pages of the journal were notes on everything, pictures i'd cut out of magazines, business cards for florists and caterers, and dress designers. Then next to each was my note of whether i was going to use them or how i knew them. There was the picture of my wedding dress that i'd cut out of a magazine and written "This is the one i want!!" we ended up seeing it in the window of the first dress shop we went to.....and i did wear it on my wedding day :) There were sketches in there by the alterationist and the florist. There were all kinds of dates of when i bought my dress and pictures from valentines day....our first together, while we were still engaged. And in the back were pages and pages of writing, i began reading it and found it was where i had written the story of how we'd met. The story of meeting my husband still feels like a fairy tale to me. I love him so much and yet he's always reminding me that he said "i love you" first to he gets to love me more :) Maybe sometime i'll post that story on here, just in case anything ever happens to that journal.
It's funny how over the years my story gets simplified more and more, we met on a friday and by monday we knew we wanted to get married. Sounds pretty simple, but there's so many little things i had forgotten until reading it in my own words. I'm so glad i wrote that. And that is exactly why journals are so important, even if we only write about the big things in life, over the years things get forgotten and we can all learn from the past, even from our own past, so by writing it down we can go back and re-read in our own words what emotions filled our hearts at each event. That's what i see when i read my journal....the emotion i felt when i was writing it. I love writing, and this has inspired me to find more time to do more of it.
On a side note, if one of my daughters at 20 years old decides that a boy she met three days ago is the man she's going to marry.....i might have to go back and read my own writing to remember how it feels to be her instead of wanting to lock her in a closet until she comes to her senses..........

Moving Day

It's not officially moving day...yet. Tomorrow though the house will be emptied except for our sleeping bags on the floor (well the babies still get their beds at least). Saturday we will unload in our new house......and hopefully the last house for a very long time.

So much has led up to this day I can't believe it's all finally happening.

Right now my house is full of boxes and is a big cluttered mess as everything is being prepped to be moved out, something that should make me insanely stressed. But somehow....i'm not.

It seems like the closer we get to this move, the more chaotic the house gets, the more calm i seem to be getting. I'm trying to understand it that's why i'm writing about it. I normally tend to be quite short tempered (a problem i am continually working on) especially with the kids, with this many pulling me in every direction i feel like i never fully give complete attention to any one at a time and that drives me bonkers! But somehow today it's like i remembered how to let go again. Letting go is something that Adam told me i should work on when we decided to say yes to Darla, it was his only concern about taking her on. And i agreed, and in the beginning letting go was easy because there was just no possible way to do it all so i didn't really try. But over the two months (or close to it) that have passed insanely fast the old me has crept back in, the one who still thinks i should be able to do it all ....i.e. clean house, clean kids, happy kids, perfect family .....uhm yeah a little bit unreasonable given ....well....LIFE! So every once in a while i have to get humbled, it's like that pride cycle they're always teaching us about from the scriptures. When the people (or mom) is humbled by the stress and chaos they (she) remembers to rely on the Lord, then He in turn sends blessings for their (her) diligent prayers, things start going so well that they (she) forget to pray because they (she) don't need it as much as before, and then wouldn't you know it, things start to fall apart again, so much that they (she) are humbled due to how crappy things end up going with out relying on Him. As you can see i am in the humbled part of this cycle....I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad LOL. But at the moment I never forget my prayers, it's the only thing giving me hope that the next day can be better.....and so far it has been.

Today I have spoken only kind words to my children (and honestly i wish i could say that of everyday of their lives.....but sadly i can't) I have tried my hardest to understand Maggie's strange issues with sitting in the bathtub (this really deserves an indepth blog post...maybe later) and didn't get upset at her about it all thru the crazy time known as "bathtime." I had two babies crying at once today and it honestly did not even phase me.....maybe i'm just getting used to the fact that they often both need me at the same time, or maybe i'm just too sleep deprived to care (LOL) either way, it's a blessing not to be stressing about it. I dealt with one, when taken care of and happy, i dealt with the other, within a half hour i had two sleeping babies instead of two crying babies. I can appreciate the crazy chaos around here because it means that in a matter of days we'll be starting a new chapter in the book of life, the one where we have enough room to breathe in a house with plenty of room for us all. I am grateful for the chaos, it means moving day has finally arrived.

Ode to a House

Dear house,
Your doors were protecting,
your floors were firm
your walls were enclosing
our time here short term.

Your size was comfortable
then your size became tight.
your size was unbearable
the time now is right....

For us to move on
to house that's our size.
From one that's a pawn
to one more King size

It isn't without remorse
our departure from you
More than a house you've been of course
A HOME is what we've called you.