Surgery....and other thoughts.

Tomorrow I'm finally having the breast reduction I have wanted for as long as I can remember. When I was in 8th grade I already wore a DD, maybe this is too personal to be telling people on the internet, but it is the truth. I had told the Husband Man way back when we first got married (10 years ago) that I was wanting to get this done someday. He was very supportive. Secretly I think he's ok with he because he knows I'll be able to buy less expensive bras. haha! Seriously, the bras I have to special order in size "I" cost a lot more than those in "normal" sizes which can be bought in stores ranging from Victoria's Secret all the way down to Wal Mart.

I'm nervous about the surgery for a few reasons. First of all, I hate not knowing how much i'm going to hurt afterward. People who have surgery because something is wrong are usually in more pain before then they are after. In my case it's hard to know that despite my abnormally large chest and the daily back and shoulder pain, I'm going to go from healthy/painless, to drugged and in pain. And of course the obvious other reason to be nervous about the surgery..."Will I like they way they look when it's done????" LOL, stupid I know, but seriously I'm worried about not liking my chest being smaller, I've had 31 years to be used to my larger chest, and overnight I'll have a whole new body to get used to. My dr said that the mass which was seen on the mammogram doesn't worry him in the least, it's an area that was going to get removed anyway and in his professional opinion it didn't "look" cancerous, because it was small and localized. So I'm going to take his calmness as a sign to not worry about that part.

It's funny though the mixed emotions I'm feeling. Part of me feels so accomplished because I have worked several months to lose enough weight to qualify for this, and it's great to reach your goal. But then there's a part of me that feels guilty for getting something like this done, like it's frivolous. I should feel less guilty about that considering my medical insurance doesn't deam it frivolous or they wouldn't pay. They look at the large size and know that means years ahead of back/shoulder pain and they'd rather pay for one surgery than years of pain meds and other additional related problems. Then of course that leads me to my next thought, does that mean they'll pay for a tummy tuck too? LOL I had three c-sections and recently lost a lot of weight, the amount of skin in my midsection is the only thing keeping me a size 12 instead of a 10 or less. But then maybe that's pushing frivolous to the limit. God gave me this body and it's up to me to do my best by it, and strangely when i think of it that way it feels like the tummy tuck is the better way to do that than the breast reduction haha, I mean the chest is the one he gave me, the belly is the one the dr's cutting the baby out of me gave me....Just the random thoughts of a soon to be normal sized woman.

10 years

10 years ago I was just a child getting ready to say "I Do"...

9 years ago we had already moved 3 times in a year, but were in love no matter where we lived....

8 years ago we were about to get the news that would change us forever, a baby to love...

7 years ago, the long and scary road of a near fatal pregnancy was past, and we took our tiny baby to the beach to celebrate...

6 years ago, forms were filled out, we had decided to do foster care, and put our lives in God's hands...

5 years ago, our family had grown, Lena was our newest little joy, and her journey with us had only just begun...

4 years ago, Lena became Magdalena but not yet officially, would this adoption ever be final?....

3 years ago, Maggie was ours and God had blessed us to be able to have Katie, while the gestation was uneventful, we nearly lost her a few weeks later, but God blessed us again and saved her precious life...

2 years ago, Were we crazy to try again? Why not! could we really be wanting 4 kids? And could we possible get a boy?....

1 year ago, Catcher saved himself from an extremely premature birth with his soccer skills on my kidney stone, Daddy's only son had arrived at 32 weeks instead of 28!...

Today....today, We look at our family of FIVE kids in awe, little Darla our newest addition is the blessing we never would have thought to ask for but couldn't imagine living without. And everyday I get to wake up to the man who makes each day possible, doable, and wonderful...my Husband Man... THE Husband Man. Happy 10 years Adam, I love you <3