It's 5am, can't sleep, might as well blog.

Yesterday Catcher came off of the CPAP machine and is on high flow oxygen, it's much prettier to look at, doesn't take up his whole head and face :) He is getting phototherapy for a slight jaundice, but we are so used to this because all of our babies went thru it. In fact yesterday before the nurses had even mentioned it Adam said "well next will be the tanning lights" (that's what the phototherapy lights look like) and he was right, within a few hours test results showed he was slightly jaundice. Not a huge deal, it's very common with preemies.

Catcher's little personality shines thru so much even though he is still so tiny. Most babies, especially preemies, like to stay curled up tight, like they were when they were in the womb, Catcher however is not like most tiny babies. He LOVES to stretch out in every direction. He likes to be on his tummy with both arms out and at least one leg kicked straight out, and sometimes both legs straight out. I used to feel him do this all the time on the inside, he'd move in every direction all at once and he was very particular how I would lay, if i was laying in a position he found uncomfortable he would kick and kick and kick until i'd move and then he'd calm right down. It's so strange how things i felt him do on the inside and wondered about, are now the same things he's doing on the outside. I feel like i knew him so well before he ever entered the world, I love my little Catcher!

I got to hold him for the first time yesterday!!! yay! He is still hooked up to a lot of machines and an IV so it was a little precarious trying to get it all settled but it was so wonderful to bond with him and to feel him breathe against me. it's like baby magic. All of his vital signs were stronger and more regular while i was holding him. It's proven that this kind of holding (koala care, or skin to skin) can really improve the health of a preemie, so i'm looking forward to cuddling my little guy as often as possible.

I know that all of this will seem so short and insignificant once he's home, but this time in the hospital right now feels like it's going to last forever. Although i remember feeling this way with my girls when they were in the NICU too, so i know it really won't last forever, just feels like it. It of course doesn't help that since my body just had a baby i'm all hormonal, i know i'm irrational and unreasonable about stuff, but that doesn't make it any easier not to cry over every little thing. Yesterday i cried because i couldn't find my hairbrush, now in hindsight of course that is just silly, but in the moment i was so frustrated and tired and stressed and all i needed to do was brush my hair so we could go visit Catcher, and i couldn't without the brush. See there i go trying to rationalize irrational behavior, man it's gonna be crazy for a while lol.