Through the eyes of a Mother

I don't suppose i will ever understand how my family must appear to other people. Today while in modesto for a few random errands, we stopped at costco. I really only needed two things, to print some pictures from our digital camera (for the frames my husband already put up on the walls of our NEW house!) and i was out of my favorite soda and costco really has the best price on it. So while waiting for our pictures to finish we wandered around costco, sampling the samples and looking at EVERY thing in the store. I had Darla's carseat sideways in the giant cart so there was still room for the diaperbag and the soda i was buying. Catcher and Katie were sitting in the buckled kid seating area and Maggie and Elaine were walking beside holding onto the prespecified part of the cart. (i prespecified a certain spot on the cart that no matter which kid is walking they ALWAYS know where their hand should be at all times, makes the liklihood of loosing one slightly lower) So it was no big deal to me really, all kids were happy but man you should have seen the stares. And if i had a dime for every person who says to me "wow, you've got your hands full," i could pay for the college of the children making my hands so full! Then there's always the random person who asks, "how...how....just how?" i assume that is in regards to the two little ones not just the overall number of children. And my answer is, "i just do," because really that's all i can say. Then the question i hate the most is "are you babysitting?" now that could either be because even if they assumed i could have birthed a child with such gorgeous dark skin after my peachie babes, there would not really be any way to have had two little ones so close together (well i'm sure there's a way but i hope never to know it) ......OR.....they are completely dumb founded as to how a woman obviously related to the pink kids can also possibly be related to the more chocolately bunch....and even though the answer is obvious to me, i suppose to other people the thought never possibly enters their mind that these beautiful children ALL belong to me and it's not any concern of theirs how they ended up in my loving arms. My answer to the babysitting question is "nope, all mine" said with a large smile and no offer of further explanation.

Then Catcher at one point became tired and wanted a bottle. So i found the most out of the way place possible in Costco (which really doesn't exist) and got the diaper bag to put formula in a bottle of water and give it to him. He cried while i was making it but crying has become such a normality in my life that it honestly doesn't bother me anymore and i forget sometimes that it must bother other people terribly. A woman eyed me across the sweaters and walked over "i feel compelled to ask if there's anything i can do to help..." and while i'm sure she was genuinely sincere in her offer there really wasn't much help needed which schocks people that one woman can handle two babies under one, and terrible (but cute) 2 year old and two older know it alls who want everything in the store. I finished the bottle gave it to Catcher and the crying stopped "thanks for the offer but we're fine." then of course followed the inevitable question of ages and the babysitting question and then of course it was followed up by the how question. Each answered with their previously prepared answers and she left in utter awe of the children.....5 adorable children, all quiet and content...who'd have thought it were possible :)

I look at each of my children and just see...my children. I just see how much i love each of them, and that love is the same no matter what color they are or how they arrived in our family. I wish others could understand that i don't look at my kids and see color or difference, each of my kids looks the same to me, 2 eyes that look with wonder and curiousity, a nose that needs wiping over 80% of their childhood years, a smile that makes everything in the world seem possible and perfect in that moment, 2 hands that touch my hair and face and heart with each hug. I see each child the same, they're all mine, and that's all anyone needs to know.

**As a side note i should say that they are not ALL technically MINE as yet, Darla will be ours around our anniversary if all goes according to plan (May of this year). Court date on February 22 to terminate her parents rights and start our adoption filing, just to clarify.**