Being Thankful

I've been sitting in a near silent room for quite sometime. The children went to sleep quite easily (not an everyday ocassion) so the hallway, void of their laughter and screams, sits eerily silent. The only sounds which carry down it's vacant hallways are that of the rare night time cough, the subtle sounds of bed sheets rustling, and the dog as she wanders around the table searching for lost crumbs dropped by the chair's previous occupants. The dogs clinking collar and tags remains for only a few minutes, each crumb quickly licked, she finds a spot to lay down and the sound of her flop, followed by a final clink from her tags, and ends with a sigh as a contented canine relaxes at day's end.

My mind wanders as i notice the few sounds left in the bedroom where i spend nearly every waking (and non waking) hour of these long days. The sound of the ceiling fan, it clicks as it sits slightly off balance, it's short chain clinking gently against the glass of the lamps hanging down from it's center. The sound of my own typing, clicking, then silent, then clicking again. I am given pause to ponder.

I ponder on what duration this all might last. Will we somehow miraculously manage to keep this little life inside of me until some point as late as even March? I dare not care to guess at this, for i find that if i guess and perhaps in guessing, find myself hoping, i may only be dissappointed if guesses and hopes disappear at some near future doctor's visit. So i only allow myself these thoughts for a moment. Then i wonder on what life may eventually turn into when this child finally arrives, whenever that may be, not just into this world, but into our home, as those two things will not necessarilly be at the same time. How different should life end up being with four kids? How will outtings go? How will the children behave after such a long period of spending so much time with other people, to go back to spending so much time with me? So many questions, and so few answers.

I stare at the cursor, it's flashing line poised to give life to my typed words. It sits in a vacant box asking "status update." I read other people's "updates" all day long, finding interest, intrigue, or sometimes confusion at the brief glimpses this gives me into the lives of these "friends." Some more acquaintances than friends, people i knew once on a personal, or semi-personal basis, but have now moved on with their lives, as have i, and yet i am allowed this voyeristic view of their day to day "updates," or perspectives, on that precise moment in their day or in their life. What then should i allow others to see in this moment of my life. I dare not repeat the mundaneness of the monotony of boredom i feel daily. This has been mentioned, and surely there are others who would wish for such freedom from life, even just for a moment. So instead, what should i say? Should i tell then about the subtle sounds of the dog drifting down the dark hallway to my room? The clinking chain of the ceiling fan? The ceiling fan, suddenly i am given pause as i stare at it's hypnotic spinning arms. If i close my eyes i can feel it's gentle breeze stirring the air around me into a soft cool wind, only felt in my room, in my space. I am suddenly in awe and gratitude of this little thing, this wind in my otherwise stagnant day.

It is something to be thankful for. In that moment i realize that there are a great many things i am grateful for, that i have failed to take note of. In gratitude i remember He that has blessed me with all things wonderful, Heavenly Father.

The curser still blinks, awaiting my thoughts. I have decided that in this "status update" view of my life, i should tell those things which i am grateful for...for nothing else truly matters in this life, but that which we can see the good in, for there is good in all things.

Thank you for ceiling fans. Thank you for a breeze which exists solely in my space to bring me comfort. And truly for all things in this life, THANK YOU.