nothing new, just blah blah blah

I don't know why, but today i'm having a hard time with the best rest crap. Maybe it's because it's been 2 months of this and i am tired of laying around! Maybe it's because i want to clean so bad it hurts, physically hurts everytime i walk out in the living room or kitchen for one little thing and see how much i would love to be doing instead! (don't worry i only really walk out there if i need a drink of water in the middle of the night and there is no one else to get me one...i really am being good about resting) And it's sweet of all the offers i've had for people to come over and clean, and Lee Ann even actually did...came over and did some serious cleaning! But in a house with three kids and a husband loose in it, well the clean doesn't last very long. And truth be told it's not about getting it clean, it's about doing the cleaning, there is something so satisfying in cleaning my house, cleaning it the way i want it, and doing it myself! I appreciate the help my mom has been, in cleaning and taking care of things three days a week, and on weekends when my dad or my husband's parents watch the kids, and the various people who have taken shifts here and there, but i am seriously going insane not doing this by myself.

It's hard enough to say thankyou enough for all the people who have been a help in some way, to my husband who is doing everything, and more, humanly possible to keep things together, to my mother who is killing herself everyday she's over here to keep the house in order and the kids routines going, and all everyone else. But it's so hard to thank them when i wish i didn't have to be, because i wish they could relax and i could take care of them for all the care they've given me.

I know people are going to read this and make comments like "it'll be over before you know it" or "it's all for a good cause" or "we love helping!" and while they're all true, and i've heard them all a million times, i just need to rant about this, i'm going nuts right now, trying to find things to entertain my mind and my hands, it is a boringness that is beyond any boring i've ever known, and frustrating too. I know Catcher is worth all of this, and i'm glad to know i'm getting my tubes tied when he's born so i KNOW i won't ever have to go through this again, but it's hard waiting for an unknown time when this will all be over and life can be normal again, with one extra little person in our family. Not knowing when is killing me, i mean technically there is a due date and i know it CAN'T be any longer than that, but it probalby won't be as far as that, and i hate not knowing how long this will go on, i'm a control freak and i'm not getting to control anything right now....that must be what it all comes down to, i'm feeling out of control. Out of control of my body and what's wrong with it that i can't fix, out of control of my own care, and the care of my family. Out of control of how long this will last. Control is very hard to let go of, someday i'll get it back, and until then it dangles before me, constantly reminding me i don't have it. Argg. Ok enough ranting.