Our little family

Our little family
Wife Woman, Husband Man, Catcher and The Hoskinettes.

Friday, January 29, 2010

possibly exciting news!

Today i saw the nurses at Kaiser to get the baby monitored. My blood pressure was lower than it has been in a while (still slightly elevated, but nothing like it had been) and there was NO protein detectable in my urine (which is also VERY down from previous) and the baby's heart had NO arrhythmia the whole time he was monitored!!

It's very easy to get my hopes up about all of this and think that at my appointment next week maybe the dr will say i don't have preeclampsia after all and i can be off of bedrest. Perhaps it's just wishful thinking because i don't think the husband man would let me off bedrest because he's paranoid that i would suddenly get worse. But maybe i can do be off of bedrest on a trial basis and see how my blood pressure does. Now i know that preeclampsia doesn't just go away until they deliver the baby, but i'm thinking at this point that this was all being caused more by the kidney stone than anything else. The stone, as far as i can tell, dropped into my bladder about two weeks ago after getting a swift kick from Catcher. It wouldn't have moved down on it's own because of it's large size, but i felt the baby kick it (it hurt like NOTHING else!) and then i started having bladder spasms and a bladder infection immediately after that. (i know this may be TMI, but it's my life right now!) So once they fixed the infection which was most likely caused by irritation from the giant stone rattling around in my bladder, all things seem to be returning to more normal levels. Now technically i still qualify as having preeclampsia, but things are definitely moving in a better direction since the stone moved out of the tube it was blocking. I thought from the very beginning that the high blood pressure and elevated protein levels could have been caused by the kidney in distress from the stone....but people see a pregnant woman with these symptoms and automatically assume they know what it is... preeclampsia. Well when i asked the Urologist about it in the beginning of all of this she said that if the kidney was so distressed as to be causing the blood pressure and protein, that i would be in severe pain. But you know maybe i just have a higher pain tolerance, i mean really, i've dealt with chronic pain from Arthritis for a very long time (since about age 7)so maybe i just wasn't feeling the pain the same way other people normally would. She said since i could control the discomfort without medication that the kidney couldn't be in that bad of shape or i would be in such serious pain as to NEED medication. Well excuse me for being able to manage my pain better than that, cause now that the stone is rattling around in my bladder and not blocking any flow from the kidneys, well suddenly the numbers are turning around a bit. Go figure.

I don't know if maybe this is just a fluke, or maybe it's just all been the kidney stone all along, only time will tell, but i am 29 weeks and we're moving further every day towards a bigger healthier baby. Maybe i'm just getting my hopes up for nothing, but i think at this point that if things continue to trend in this happy direction, that there's a possibility of a near full term baby...what do you think? Just being optimistic i suppose, but it never hurt.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Being Thankful

I've been sitting in a near silent room for quite sometime. The children went to sleep quite easily (not an everyday ocassion) so the hallway, void of their laughter and screams, sits eerily silent. The only sounds which carry down it's vacant hallways are that of the rare night time cough, the subtle sounds of bed sheets rustling, and the dog as she wanders around the table searching for lost crumbs dropped by the chair's previous occupants. The dogs clinking collar and tags remains for only a few minutes, each crumb quickly licked, she finds a spot to lay down and the sound of her flop, followed by a final clink from her tags, and ends with a sigh as a contented canine relaxes at day's end.

My mind wanders as i notice the few sounds left in the bedroom where i spend nearly every waking (and non waking) hour of these long days. The sound of the ceiling fan, it clicks as it sits slightly off balance, it's short chain clinking gently against the glass of the lamps hanging down from it's center. The sound of my own typing, clicking, then silent, then clicking again. I am given pause to ponder.

I ponder on what duration this all might last. Will we somehow miraculously manage to keep this little life inside of me until some point as late as even March? I dare not care to guess at this, for i find that if i guess and perhaps in guessing, find myself hoping, i may only be dissappointed if guesses and hopes disappear at some near future doctor's visit. So i only allow myself these thoughts for a moment. Then i wonder on what life may eventually turn into when this child finally arrives, whenever that may be, not just into this world, but into our home, as those two things will not necessarilly be at the same time. How different should life end up being with four kids? How will outtings go? How will the children behave after such a long period of spending so much time with other people, to go back to spending so much time with me? So many questions, and so few answers.

I stare at the cursor, it's flashing line poised to give life to my typed words. It sits in a vacant box asking "status update." I read other people's "updates" all day long, finding interest, intrigue, or sometimes confusion at the brief glimpses this gives me into the lives of these "friends." Some more acquaintances than friends, people i knew once on a personal, or semi-personal basis, but have now moved on with their lives, as have i, and yet i am allowed this voyeristic view of their day to day "updates," or perspectives, on that precise moment in their day or in their life. What then should i allow others to see in this moment of my life. I dare not repeat the mundaneness of the monotony of boredom i feel daily. This has been mentioned, and surely there are others who would wish for such freedom from life, even just for a moment. So instead, what should i say? Should i tell then about the subtle sounds of the dog drifting down the dark hallway to my room? The clinking chain of the ceiling fan? The ceiling fan, suddenly i am given pause as i stare at it's hypnotic spinning arms. If i close my eyes i can feel it's gentle breeze stirring the air around me into a soft cool wind, only felt in my room, in my space. I am suddenly in awe and gratitude of this little thing, this wind in my otherwise stagnant day.

It is something to be thankful for. In that moment i realize that there are a great many things i am grateful for, that i have failed to take note of. In gratitude i remember He that has blessed me with all things wonderful, Heavenly Father.

The curser still blinks, awaiting my thoughts. I have decided that in this "status update" view of my life, i should tell those things which i am grateful for...for nothing else truly matters in this life, but that which we can see the good in, for there is good in all things.

Thank you for ceiling fans. Thank you for a breeze which exists solely in my space to bring me comfort. And truly for all things in this life, THANK YOU.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

nothing new, just blah blah blah

I don't know why, but today i'm having a hard time with the best rest crap. Maybe it's because it's been 2 months of this and i am tired of laying around! Maybe it's because i want to clean so bad it hurts, physically hurts everytime i walk out in the living room or kitchen for one little thing and see how much i would love to be doing instead! (don't worry i only really walk out there if i need a drink of water in the middle of the night and there is no one else to get me one...i really am being good about resting) And it's sweet of all the offers i've had for people to come over and clean, and Lee Ann even actually did...came over and did some serious cleaning! But in a house with three kids and a husband loose in it, well the clean doesn't last very long. And truth be told it's not about getting it clean, it's about doing the cleaning, there is something so satisfying in cleaning my house, cleaning it the way i want it, and doing it myself! I appreciate the help my mom has been, in cleaning and taking care of things three days a week, and on weekends when my dad or my husband's parents watch the kids, and the various people who have taken shifts here and there, but i am seriously going insane not doing this by myself.

It's hard enough to say thankyou enough for all the people who have been a help in some way, to my husband who is doing everything, and more, humanly possible to keep things together, to my mother who is killing herself everyday she's over here to keep the house in order and the kids routines going, and all everyone else. But it's so hard to thank them when i wish i didn't have to be, because i wish they could relax and i could take care of them for all the care they've given me.

I know people are going to read this and make comments like "it'll be over before you know it" or "it's all for a good cause" or "we love helping!" and while they're all true, and i've heard them all a million times, i just need to rant about this, i'm going nuts right now, trying to find things to entertain my mind and my hands, it is a boringness that is beyond any boring i've ever known, and frustrating too. I know Catcher is worth all of this, and i'm glad to know i'm getting my tubes tied when he's born so i KNOW i won't ever have to go through this again, but it's hard waiting for an unknown time when this will all be over and life can be normal again, with one extra little person in our family. Not knowing when is killing me, i mean technically there is a due date and i know it CAN'T be any longer than that, but it probalby won't be as far as that, and i hate not knowing how long this will go on, i'm a control freak and i'm not getting to control anything right now....that must be what it all comes down to, i'm feeling out of control. Out of control of my body and what's wrong with it that i can't fix, out of control of my own care, and the care of my family. Out of control of how long this will last. Control is very hard to let go of, someday i'll get it back, and until then it dangles before me, constantly reminding me i don't have it. Argg. Ok enough ranting.

Thursday, January 21, 2010


Yes you heard right, i know i said before that i would be living in the hospital until the baby comes, but today they changed their mind, (they being the dr's)
Some of the tests that were inflated last week turned out to be because of the bladder infection i had (which i kept trying to tell them and they kept ignoring anyway) well so now that it's gone they feel that my mild preeclampsia is back to being just fine monitored at home.
My blood pressures have been super low while i've been laying in a hospital bed, the dr says i have better blood pressure than anyone he's ever seen (especially considering my weight). So at home i am supposed to rest IN BED, not on the couch, and not out with the kids even if someone else is taking care of them, otherwise i could end up back here AGAIN. Please no! I am so getting tired of this back and forth hospital stuff. I just get myself mentally prepared to be spending a long time in the hospital and instead they send me home.
Don't get me wrong, i am VERY happy that my health is not that bad and that will give Catcher more time on the inside, this makes me very happy to know that he'll be getting bigger and healthier. And i did kind of feel pointless being here, the nurses kept pointing out how low and good my blood pressures have been, so i suppose it makes sense not to waste their time taking care of me, but i still worry that this could turn worse at home, that's the thing about preeclampsia, it can turn worse at a moments notice. So it's all back to the waiting game.
Just trying to keep everybody posted, this baby is staying in as long as possible, heck maybe i could think optimistic and hope he could make it to 35 weeks just like my other babies, wouldn't that be great!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Spending time in the Hospital

I'm emailing in my blog because for whatever reason i can't seem to bring up the blog website, so here's hoping this works.
At an appointment yesterday (tuesday) the dr had a discussion with me about choosing to be monitored at the hospital until delivery, whenever that may be.  It was a tough choice to make, no one wants to decide to spend that much time away from their family and home and kids.  But if at any point the preeclampsia suddenly gets worse and i am at home, the consequences could be catastrophic for both Catcher and/or myself.  I finally decided to agree with the dr that this may be the best option for the baby, to keep him in there the longest if i'm not getting up to go to the dr's office every few days, instead the dr and the lab and the ultrasound all come to me in the hospital instead, it will keep my bp lower longer is the hope.
I've only been here one night, and i'm trying to think long term, that hopefully this bedrest will work so well we could go maybe even to 35 weeks (though that may be wishful thinking) but that means a VERY long hospital stay.  But every day i worry that something new will go wrong, it seems like things keep going wrong out of the blue, and at any point they could say that they're not gonna wait around anymore and they want me to have the baby. That literally could happen anytime and that makes me nervous. I guess it's just the control freak in me, not knowing WHEN is sooo hard! Everyone asks my due date and when i tell them it's april 15th, they always say wow you have so long to go, but the reality is, i have no clue how long i have left to go, it could be this month or next or even in march (if we're lucky)
I'll be trying to post regularly of any changes, but for now i'm just sitting around being bored at Dameron Hospital in Stockton. For those who have asked, we have Kaiser and this is the closest Kaiser hospital with a high level NICU to handle an early baby like Catcher, no matter how early he is. And because this could all change at a moments notice, they want me staying in the hospital that is best for Catcher when he is born so he can be born quickly if need be. They will not let me do bed rest in modesto and just transfer here for the birth, doesn't work that way unfortunately.  If anyone is up for the drive, i'm always here, feel free to stop in and say hi :)

Friday, January 15, 2010

a short dr's appointment

Had to go in to get monitored today, they're monitoring twice a week now. But of course my dr is out of town and the perinatologist is in Stockton on Fridays so he was not there either. So the nurse needed to get a dr to look at the printout from the monitoring before she could let me go, so she found a different dr who has never seen me before. Well that dr looks over all my stuff, the high blood pressure and everything, and then sees the baby's weird heart beat and kinda freaks out a little bit. So she decides to come in and listen to the baby for a while and the whole while i'm trying to reassure her that a pediatric cardiologist has examined the heart as good as possible and assures us this will probably resolve itself, but until then it doesn't seem to bother the baby. It's funny that I, the patient, had to practically hold the dr's hand to keep her from freaking out over every weird thing going on in my pregnancy. Not to mention the kidney stone, the bladders spasms, and the arthritic hip that is killing me...haha, it's kinda fun to freak out a dr who is new to my case, when it's all starting to feel like old news to me :)

I must say though, that it was strange to sit and listen to the baby's strange and irratic heart beat while two other women are also hooked up to monitors on either side of me and their babies are beating away like normal when my little guy just has a very strange rhythm, well it's arrhythmia is what it is. But it's definitely unique, and while all moms can tell their baby by their cry after they're born, i could pick out my baby's heart beat out of a room full of monitors, it makes him feel special :)

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

the BIG appointment

Today's appointment felt like such a major appointment at the dr's office for multiple reasons. First of all, we knew that the pediatric cardiologist was going to be there to evaluate baby Catcher's heart arrhythmia's (irregular heartbeat) so we were looking forward to getting some answers about that. And after some tests last week, we knew that the dr was going to tell us that the preeclampsia is getting more severe and were interesed to hear what the new game plan would be for the coming weeks. Plus we're almost 27 weeks (will be tomorrow) and 28 weeks is a huge milestone, that we are so excited to only be a week away from that, every day and week beyond 28 weeks just gives the baby that much more good chances upon arrival.

So first of all we had a joy trying to find this office, the visit was in stockton because that's where both the perinatologist (high risk pregnancy dr) and the pediatric cardiologist (kids heart dr) were both located. Of course there are a million kaiser buildings all next to each other and we had to figure out which building to go to, finally, it was in the third building we tried :) Well they of course were all worried about my blood pressure again, but if i hadn't had to walk around so much just to get into my appointment it wouldn't be so dang high, it goes down when i lay down. Well then of course as usual there was protein in my urine, which we again knew, these are both indicators of the preeclampsia i have. if the protein gets to high, my kidneys could suffer permanent damage, and if the blood pressure stays high, i'm at risk for stroke, seizures, liver damage, and at worst...death of myself and/or the baby. This is why, preeclampsia is no laughing matter. Anyway, then they took me in for an ultrasound, they made adam wait in the waiting room for all of this because the ultrasound was a specialized kind and so it was going to be very long and not exactly fun to watch, it's a lot of measurements and exact pictures to be taken, it's not really a "for fun" ultrasound. so he waited out there for an hour...yes the ultrasound really took an hour! The specialist they had doing the ultrasound was really friendly though and she talked to me the whole time which made the time not seem as long. But i was hurting so bad by the end of it because dang those beds are hard!

When she finished the ultrasound, i thought i was done, but she told me "oh no..lots more" she brought in the Husband Man, and then two other dr's came in, the perinatologist, Dr. Graham, and the pediatric cardiologist, Dr. Woods. Then as i lay on the bed they looked over all the pictures already done on the previous ultrasound then asked for specific live images and numbers. The strange thing was, because the screen was pointed towards them so they could see, that meant i couldn't see, and i'm laying there and all i can do is watch their faces and wonder what is going through their minds. They're whispering a little bit and pointing, and saying "go back, i need to see that again" and scrutinizing the screen for at least 20 minutes. It was an agonizing 20 minutes, partially because this was when we were hoping to get some information on the baby's heart, and partially because my hips were hurting so bad from laying on my back for so freakin long! ouch!

But at the end of it, Dr. Woods said she didn't think the arrhythmia was anything to worry about, it doesn't happen ALL the time, it's now on the fourth beat, but not EVERY fourth beat (last week it was on the third beat) so, there's some promise that it is spreading out more and will eventually dissipate, and even if it doesn't, she was impressed to see that it doesn't impeded his growth or movement, which a serious heart defect would. There were no abnormalities noticeable in the heart, but he will be reevaluated after birth. So that was a sigh of relief, not looking at any heart surgeries anytime soon....phew! Then dr. graham asked if i was doing the kick count at home (counting how many kicks i feel from the baby within one hour) i laughed and told him that normally i feel 70-80 kicks in an hour, but that last night i did the count after eating a bowl of ice cream, and i felt 111 in one hour! no joke, one hundred and eleven kicks in one hour! He had to nearly pick his jaw up off the floor, he had NEVER heard of a baby moving that much, not even after ice cream :)

After the ultrasound they took me back to have the baby monitored for about another 20-30 minutes and then sent me to talk to the dr. We talked with the dr about our current options, you see last week a test showed that my urine protein levels are rising significantly and that is a great cause for concern, they jumped from around 300, to 977! that is a very large jump, if it continues at this rate, we could have a problem. At this point our option is....hospital bed rest until the it becomes necessary to deliver the baby, or continue the home bed (couch) bed rest with 3 dr's appointments a week until it becomes necessary to deliver. He said normally he wouldn't let me continue home bed rest, except that i am keeping such good track of everything at home, it's like being my own nurse. He knows i am very aware of everything with my body and that i would tell him if i felt something was wrong, he appreciates my obsession with all things medical (he calls it being detail oriented and well informed :) and thinks that's just as good as having a nurse keep track of it at the hospital. So for the time being we opted for home bed rest, although i think Adam is trying to talk me into hospital bed rest, knowing i would be taken care of, i know he worries all day while he's at work, and that would put his mind somewhat at ease i think. But we're still weighing the plus's and minus's of both options. 3 appointments a week is a lot of up time, and in the hospital the dr's would come to me instead. But in the hospital i would NOT get to see my kids at all because with the whole H1N1 flu thing, no visitors under 16 are allowed AT ALL, not even to visit new family members or anything....it would be so hard to not see my kids at all for however long this would end up being. Now there may come a time when the dr doesn't give us a choice of hospital or home, but for now, we are on home bed rest, again, only allowed up to potty, NOTHING else. I'm pretty good about it, i'm getting used to it i guess.

Oh on a funny note :
The dr ordered some labs to be drawn and wanted the results STAT, which means in a super big hurry. So when he input them in the computer he put that the return date for the results should be December 31, 1842...yes i wrote that right, 1842....haha, the lab was a little confused by that, but it was just to say he wanted them back like years ago, so get it done quick! haha, medical humor i suppose :)

All in all, long tiring day, glad to be back to my wonderful couch, and on a positive note, baby catcher's estimated weight (from the measurements they did on the ultrasound) is already 2pounds 13 ounces, that's almost 3 pounds already!!! we're only just 27 weeks and most baby's don't weigh even 2 pounds until after 28 weeks, so we're so excited that he is growing so big because when it comes to an early baby, the bigger the better for his life outside mommy's belly. Keep growing baby Catcher...we love you :)

Friday, January 08, 2010

Be prepared for a VERY long story about my stay in the Hospital

So it all started a few days ago.... I was sitting up on the couch, about to get up and go to the bathroom, when all the sudden baby Catcher gave a very HUGE kick in my back, which i could tell hit the kidney stone. It was SOOO extremely painful, i actually fell OFF the couch!! I recovered quickly but then noticed that suddenly my bladder was spasming. For the next day i could continually feel my bladder squeazing and contracting. and before you ask, NO these were not uterine contractions, it was VERY obviously just my bladder spasming. It became quite painful and rather unbearable because every time it squeazes i feel like i have to pee, even if i just went! (soo annoying!) It doesn't help that baby Catchers kick was also a turn and now he is head up with his feet down on my bladder. So often times in between it's own squeazing, the bladder gets a squeaze from a baby foot. Basically CONSTANT pain and discomfort.

Finally when i couldn't stand it anymore i decided to call and make an appointment to be seen, to see if there was anything they could do about this. The only appointment available was with the Nurse Midwife, now i knew she couldn't really do anything for me, after all, she can't write a prescription, however she was right down the hall from the other dr's so i knew she could find SOMEBODY to help me...lol. So yesterday (thursday) afternoon i went in to see her. Well of course just walking from the lobby to the back where they took my blood pressure made it INSANELY high. I am used to this, it happens at every appointment. BP this time though was 155/107, the highest it has ever been during this pregnancy. So anyway, the nurse puts me in a room to wait for the Nurse Midwife, and wait, and wait.....and WAIT. I don't think i've ever waited so long! Well she pops her head in for like a second to tell me that she took one look at the BP and the +1 Urine Protein and went straight to the perinatologist who happened to be there that day. She was waiting to hear from him.

So, wait a minute, i came in here to get my bladder problem fixed and now you're not even going to adress it??? Nope.

Now the Perinatologist is Dr Graham, we happened to have already seen him a few weeks ago, it felt like such a random appointment, all he did was take my history and send me on my way. However that meant that now when the Nurse Midwife came to him worried about my BP, he already had my history in his computer, so it turned out to have been a good thing. Well so then he decides i should be admitted to the hosptial and checked out. He agrees that these preeclampsia signs are very risky so early in pregnancy. (i was 26 weeks that day)

I get sent to Dameron Hospital in Stockton because we have Kaiser. And because with preeclampsia there's always a chance of early delivery, i needed to be at a hospital with a high level NICU, and while Doctor's Medical Center in Modesto, has a great high level NICU, it is not a Kaiser affiliated hospital. The nearest Kaiser affiliated hospital with a high level NICU is Dameron in Stockton.

I check in and they get me set up in a room, the whole drill of pee in a cup, strip down and put on a gown...i swear, there is no decency left when you're in the hospital, especially when you're pregnant!

The protein in my urine is up from the +1 at the dr's office to now a +2, probably because i had to be up the whole day from appointment to car ride to the hospital, to getting set up in the room, a lot of up time means a lot of high blood pressure, a lot of high blood pressure means poor kidney function, which in turn means more protein in the urine.

They took my BP and again it was too high, so they lay be down and try to get Catcher's heart beat on the monitor. I try to tell them that this is the MOST uncooperative baby when it comes to catching his heart rate EVER! at every appointment they spend quite a while just trying to find it with a doppler, which is a little wand that is more sensative than the pad they use for monitoring. They try and try and try and the little guy just won't hold still, they'll get his heart rate for a second and he'll turn over or literally KICK the monitor and it will shift on my stomach off of him. He's a strong little guy! At only 26 weeks, i am amazed at his strength. I think he thinks they are playing a game with him, because they push with the monitor and he pushes back, till he pushes it off! So they got out the doppler to find the best place for his heart beat and be able to know where to put the monitor. So they try and they try and they try some more, they could find it but only for a moment before he would kick them away, or if they found it, they couldn't get a reading on it for some reason. The dr was getting annoyed at nurse after nurse trying to get a read and he decided to take a try. He used the doppler but just couldn't get a consistent reading so he brings in an ultrasound... That's when the real drama began.

On the ultrasound the dr could find the heart beat but discovered that the reason even the doppler couldn't pick it up very well was because it was having arrhythmia. Now a doppler machine and even the fetal heart monitor uses every three beats and the time in between to give an average beats per minute. When Catcher is having arryhthmia (which means irregular heart beat) his heart takes a long pause after every two beats. The machine needs three consecutive beats to form an average. His heart is beating, and he's certainly not having any lack of energy because he was also moving all OVER the place! The kid has a swimming pool in there, i have a lot of amniotic fluid and he certainly makes good use of it! lol. This isn't a dangerous amount of fluid, just extra, that's why he has sooo much room to move away from the doppler, and his arrhthmia is why the doppler and other monitors can't get an accurate reading. You could clearly see where his heart actually would stop after every second beat, then start again. Now while he's in utero (in my belly) it's not a huge issue, because he's getting blood through the placenta that is pumping through his body with my heart doing the work. However, they then began to try to figure out what was causing these irregular heart beats. We watched as it continued, the dr waited a while, hoping it would just go back to normal, and it didn't. This began a whole new set of tests and questions left to be answered. So here they are telling me to relax and take it easy to keep my blood pressure down and they're telling me my baby's heart isn't working right....it's a little difficult to be calm about it.

Now i don't know why this is the first time we're seeing this, because we've had at least 4 or 5 ultrasounds already before this one in the hospital. And this is not the reason i came to the hospital at all, however, it all ends up being a good thing i was there because who knows if we would have caught this otherwise. Now we still don't know what is causing his arrhythmia, whether it's a deformation in his heart, or some other systemic problem, but we now will be meeting with a pediatric cardiologist who will be with us until delivery and be able to already be in the loop on the possible complications with little Catcher. If we hadn't caught this now, and the baby is born early without anyone knowing about this problem, the result could have been disastrous. And while the end result is still unknown, knowing that a pediatric cardiologist (kid's heart dr) will be there when he's born, already aware of what problems there may be, and be prepared to deal with them, that makes us all feel a little bit better.

On top of everything, they kept me overnight continually checking my BP and the baby's heart to see if it was any different, and never did they actually discuss my stupid bladder smasms....lol. I was in discomfort from them the whole time, but they wouldn't let me sit up, (which helps a little) and they had me on the hardest bed on the planet!! My right hip is arthritic and trying to sleep was near impossible. They finally let me go today (friday, January 8th) because they saw that while i was down the bp is pretty normal. I'm now on very strict bed rest, literally ONLY allowed up to go potty and THAT'S IT!! So if you come to my door and i don't answer, peek in my front window so i can see who you are and i'll tell ya to come in...i live on the couch, the most comfortable place on earth.

There's hope that with continued bed rest we may be able to hold Catcher in there until 32 weeks....and with a miracle, maybe even beyond. But it's all up to my body and how long before this preeclampsia decides to get worse...we won't know till it happens.

My husband and his father and brother in law gave me a blessing, we're praying Catcher's heart problem is not major and won't require surgery, but mostly we're praying for comfort that Heavenly Father will help us to feel comfort in the decisions we make on his and my behalf in the upcoming weeks. We pray for the doctors involved to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and able to make the best dianosis and choices for his eventual healthy outcome.

Thank you to everyone who is supporting us spiritually and physically and emotionally through this time, it means more than you know!!

Monday, January 04, 2010

still on bedrest....

Had an appointment today with just a nurse to get the blood pressure checked. My dr is on vacation right now. So when tested my blood pressure was of course super high, the nurse was concerned and took me in the back to pee in a cup and then lay down before taking my blood pressure again. The protein meausred +1, that's up from "0 with trace" last week. the blood pressure went down when i layed down but the nurse hunted down a dr to discuss it with. After reviewing my history he said that although it was up from last week, it's still manageable if i stay on bed rest at home. They ordered the labs yet again, so i had to have blood drawn and a collection container for 24 urine protein, which has been weekly increasing. The dr said if i go up by the same amount every week, we may not make it to 28 weeks before delivery becomes a must. I'll be 26 weeks on thursday, have another appointment next week so we'll see if we can keep this at bay. But we're riding a fine line at this moment, we KNOW this is going to turn into HELLP if we let the preeclampsia go on too long, but we also know that the baby's chances are better the longer we wait...it's a difficult task deciding when the line is right in front of us and not cross it and make my health so bad that it outweighs the usefullness of the baby being inside. It's only just over two weeks until 28 weeks, crossing our fingers and arms in prayer...we can make it, i hope.